When coaching a client, “Frank,” who was having trouble with another senior leader in the organization, three things became apparent. My client and his colleague are both highly emotional beings and lead with their emotions. Frank sees the world through his feelings first and is unable to distinguish between facts and emotions because his emotions are so dominant, and his desire to be liked and kind has inhibited him from having a professional, healthy work relationship with his colleague.
It was a tough coaching conversation for him, as he realized he had been bullied by his colleague for the last two years. What an unsettling thing to grapple with.
As I reflected on the session, it struck me that many challenges at work, which we call “office politics”, are often the result of our inability to confront these difficult situations so that we can be on a level playing field with our colleagues. When we do address them, we can put all of our energy into the work and not the political roadblocks that we often face, such as the roadblock that Frank is currently dealing with.
Worth the share
Who doesn’t love a new spin on an old topic? The Conflict-Intelligent Leader, by Peter. T. Coleman provides a roadmap of what leaders can do to navigate disagreements and have those difficult conversations. I have sent this article to many clients in the last few weeks.
One of the key points is that conflict in the workplace has reached new heights. “A recent Society for Human Resource Management survey of 1,622 U.S. workers showed that 76% had witnessed acts of incivility in the past month, with 21% experiencing it personally.”
As leaders, we must learn how to navigate these choppy waters with grace, civility, and wisdom. Here are the four core competencies outlined in the article:
- Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation – recognizing and managing your reactions, remaining calm in difficult situations
- Strong Social Conflict Skills – listening, balancing collaboration and advocacy, and checking your biases
- Situational Adaptivity – being flexible, and knowing when to lean out or lean in, reading the situation with clarity
- Systemic Wisdom – being fearless in addressing systemic challenges by seeing the big picture and doing the work to make a shift
The author goes on to discuss conflict intelligence and the seven principles that every conflict-intelligent leader should master.
Read The Conflict-Intelligent Leader to learn more, and elevate your CIQ (conflict intelligence).
#wisewords
Incivility is not a Vice of the Soul, but the effect of several Vices; of Vanity, Ignorance of Duty, Laziness, Stupidity, Distraction, Contempt of others, and Jealousy.
–Jean de la Bruyere, French writer and philospher
And Finally...
When I think about how hard it is to tackle tough topics, to navigate situations where people act with incivility, and maybe even act like a bully, or when we try to share our voice in a world that is quick to post something on social media that is rude and hurtful, I find that leaning into our core values is critical because of the increased self-awareness.
My dear friend and fellow coach, Dennis Volpe, shared with me a terrific (and free) values assessment that you might enjoy. It takes just a few minutes and will give you clarity about what matters most to you. Take a few minutes and take the Values Exercise at Think2Perform. Be clear about your values. It matters.
Have a great week,
Mary Jo