Last week, a 27-year-old nephew called me to say he lost his job as a manager of nine in IT. After being with the company for over six years and being promoted four times, “James” was fired without warning. Called into the VP’s office on Tuesday morning, he was ambushed by HR, his AVP, and the VP. The cause? They referred to stuff that happened over a year ago when he was struggling with a painful family situation. There was no PIP (personal improvement plan), and they had no documentation for things he did wrong.
Long story short, he was offered a demotion to stay (which I can’t understand when he was eliminated for cause) or shown the exit door. There was no severance; they only offered him his unclaimed PTO. He was walked out of the building at 9:30 AM and had to have his colleagues pack his desk.
Worth the share
One thing you need to know about this situation is that James is a good guy. He is friendly, respectful, and kind.
As we worked together to get James severance, navigate the situation, and pivot to find work, I observed his language. It was kind, minimizing, and too respectful, which is a problem when fighting for yourself.
This article from Fast Company discusses 3 Phrases No One Should Ever Say In a Negotiation. It is a powerful reminder about the importance of language and how our words can make us smaller, seem less confident, and create doubt in the listener.
Here are examples from the author, Lydia Fenet:
- Is it okay if I ask for….? This is a common mistake, especially among younger people and many women. We ask permission when we don’t need to, which immediately gives the other person the upper hand. Own it. An important tactic to use in negotiations and communication in general is to pause. Be silent and get comfortable with the silence.
- Do you think my number is too high? The only answer is “yes” to a question like this. “Do” is a terrible word to start the sentence because it is a closed question. If you want to ask about rates, say something like: What are your thoughts on the number? What are you looking for? The author advises you to think about your LMH beforehand, your low, medium, and high number. Do your prep work.
- I will just wait to hear back from you about next steps. This phrase has two significant problems. In a negotiation, don’t wait. Add specific timelines. Follow up with a sense of urgency to elevate the negotiation’s importance. Eliminate minimizing words like “just”; they make you smaller. If you must use the word “just,” use it strategically to show humility with intention.
Read the article to learn more.
#wisewords
– Joe Torre
And Finally...
It was heartbreaking to watch him try to understand how his life was upended without warning. The silver lining is that James has a great attitude and a strong track record. While he has not yet found a new job, he will. I am also grateful for my HR friends, who have a heart and offered him support and solid advice.
This situation has been difficult on many levels; it brings to mind three critical things to consider:
- Know your worth. Advocate for yourself. Own your accomplishments.
- Company Culture matters. Keep your eyes open. Look for red flags.
- “The best revenge is massive success.” Frank Sinatra
Have a great week,
Mary Jo